majutsukai: (Default)
I guess I ought to update on the stuff in my last entry.

My Dad opted to call my Mom instead of me. Typical of him-- he was probably too angry with me to talk to me. She told me he gave her quite the earful, too. Talked about how bad I was doing in Lit, and said I was "borderline failing" at Gov (which is utter bullshit, I currently have a B-. >o<) After that, my Mom called me up to talk to me-- My Dad had mentioned my shitload of missing work in Lit, and I told her that I'd already planned on finishing all of it over the weekend, to prove him wrong. It just so happens that I proceeded to do just that, too-- after my Dad had gone on forever about how it would be his responsibility to kick me into shape and get me to do that stuff. I figured that would get him to see the flaws in how he was treating me; after all, could I really be that inept if I could do all that myself, without being told even by my Mother?

Hah. I should know him better.

I got there today, and he gave me a lecture. I mentioned the fact that I'd finished ALL my late work without his intervention, but he just told me to be quiet and let him talk. Then told me to ask-- ASK, you understand-- before going to my Mom's early again. And he said if I was all caught up with my schoolwork, he would probably let me.

Dear GOD. Did I inherit a skull that thick!?

Needless to say, I think he somewhat spectacularly missed the point. I've half a mind to do it again just so I can have him ask me why I did it, and answer, "Because you didn't quite get it the first time." That would be SO satisfying. Maybe THAT would pierce his skull.

But alas, there's nothing I can do. You can't pierce diamond that easily, after all. -_-;;

EDIT: The point being that I left with the express purpose of escaping the highly stressful way he handles my schoolwork in the first place, in case you didn't get that yourself. >>;;
majutsukai: (Default)
I've always considered myself a linguist. Words are what I know best, after all. They're the tool I use to express myself, to make my thoughts into tangible reality. But why do they have to fail me when I need them most?

I decided to come over to my Mom's early this week. I didn't consult with my Dad about it, because I figured he wouldn't approve. I just got a call from Kris asking me why I came over.

I wanted to tell her the real reason. That I was tired of the way he handled things, and I wanted to prove that I could dig myself out of the hole I'm in in school without his help-- something he wouldn't ever let me prove. But when it came right down to it, what came out of my mouth?

"I wanted to."

DAMMIT. Where did THAT come from!?

I was put on the spot, I guess, and I got afraid. Like always. I got nervous and couldn't think. So, my words failed me. Like they always do.

I can NEVER say what I want to to either of them. I don't GET it. All the words are here in my mind. I want to tell them that I think they're treating me like a child, that I can be better if they let me, that I'm more than they think I am. But my own nerves won't let me. I stand in his shadow, and my gift leaves me. And so, he's left with his half-assed perspective of what kind of a person I am reinforced. What am I supposed to do!?

I hate it. There's nothing more stifling to me than lacking words. That may come as a surprise to some people that know me-- I'm not exactly the talker, after all-- but that only means I ration my words. I only use them when they count, and I use them to the best effect I can manage. But when I want to stand up to my Dad and Stepmom, I lose that ability. And it's sinking me deeper in with them.

The problem, I think, is the fear. I'm afraid of what they'll think. If I tell them everything that's on my mind, will they listen? Or will they knock my ideas down, like they always seem to do, and ridicule me for being thick-headed and childish? I don't know. But that's what I'm afraid of.

My Dad's probably home by now. Kris will have told him what I said. I'm waiting for his call, asking me to explain myself. And I don't know what to do.
majutsukai: (Default)
Bleh. I don't have a lot to say. My dad decided that since I don't have my license yet (and as he and my stepmom reason, despite my protests, won't), it was time that I start learning how to use the bus system. So, this week was filled with extremely tiring and exasperating research-based "homework" that involved finding bus routes from one specific place to another, and finding out how the fare system works. It took three or four days for me to get it right, since I tried it one day and he nitpicked it to a million pieces and told me to do it right the next day. We actually got into a fight over a misunderstanding we had with his directions, and my stepmom said that she had never heard us yelling at eachother like that. I still believe that I'm right, but I stopped fighting back since I'd have a considerably better chance of convincing a brick wall. Those who know my dad would be nodding in agreement and smiling knowingly right now. ^^;

Yeah. He also decided to get me up when he left for work the last two days because I didn't get up at a time he liked. That means I had to wake up at 6:30. For a grand total of 5 hours of sleep each night. This is even after I showed visible constraint and didn't go to bed at my favorite bedtime, 3:00. I would be HURTING right now if I didn't do that.

So, generally, I'm mad at my dad right now. I could rant on and on for several pages about all of the things he does that absolutely infuriates me, but I'll hold it back for now. It's a strain on my already weakening willpower, but I'll manage.

Otherwise, not a whole hell of a lot's going on. I recently got back into my dust-gathering Animorphs collection that I hadn't touched since elementary school. I own every book 1-30, including Megamorphs, the Andalite and Hork-Bajir Chronicles, and Alternamorphs (blech), except 4-11, which are the ones that my elementary school's library had, so I didn't need to buy them. In all the books past number one, the writing is fairly good, despite all the inevitable slang-based difficulties pre-requisite to books written in the early 90's. The first book had a lot of plot to introduce in a very short span of book (maybe as thick as your palm), so it seemed a bit rushed in spots, and was generally not very good, but it ironed out later. I may be reading under my level, but I like it for the nostalgia value. I still think that Applegate's Everworld series is much better than Animorphs.

I also beat Viewtiful Joe today. I didn't save after the final battle because I missed a lot of the dialogue in the last scene before the battle (courtesy of my talky stepsister, whom I hadn't seen in a while, coming into my room at that moment), so I'll have to fight the dissapointingly easy King Blue battle, and the moderately difficult Captain Blue battle, again.

And as a final note, I've started on a Megaman spriting project, hereby titled "Megaman Next". It started out when I decided out of the blue to make an 8-bit sprite of Milkman, a mock robot master from a Megaman flash I saw, then one of Bibleman-- an actual bible-based superhero you can watch on tv (hella funny stuff). The idea sparked in my head to make 8 custom Robot Masters and put them on a Megaman Stage Select screen. From there came Blademan Man (A shameless Homestar reference), w00tman, PoliticianMan (Name idea courtesy of Taylor ^^), Ushiman (ANYBODY in my group of friends will get this joke), Cinderellaman (neither a boxer, nor indeed a man as her name would imply), and PhDman (Someone I invented just so Bibleman could have a punchline-worthy weakness). I'm going to design a weapon order, and I've started with preliminary ideas for what their stages will be like. I've even done some of the boss chambers for an MMN sprite comic idea I had but will probably not do. It's difficult coming up with so many tilesets when all I have to use is edited Megaman 1 tiles. x_x

Er... I guess I DID have a lot to say. How bout that.
majutsukai: (Default)
This note business is quite a bit more exasperating than it sounds... I've currently got 1 out of 4 sigs.
We had Advisory today, and we're now choosing classes for next year. I've decided to take Japanese 4 and 5, Intro to Psychology, Web Design, You and the Law, and the required courses for seniors. I need one more elective in order to fulfill my graduation requirements, and three alternates just in case I'm not able to get what I want. Stuck for ideas so far. x_x Also found out that the new High school, Bonney Lake High School, to which a good number of our student body are transferring next year, doesn't have a Japanese class. Poor saps. ^-^ *taunts the losers*
As of this moment, I'm missing assignment free, and working on a class project in Programming. We're making a Visual Basic version of the Casino Game "Craps" (Of course, tastefully renamed "Chance", since this is, after all, a school. -_-'). I know I'm going to guilt myself into taking it home to work on it over the weekend, since I was supposed to work on it yesterday, but was working on missing work, and should be doing it now, but am updating my Livejournal. Better get on that.
(PS: Japanese Field Trip squared away, I am officially going to Sakuracon! ^^ Looks like we're not going to the Uwajimaya this semester, a trip we look forward to every semester in Japanese, so we may schedule a trip for my upcoming birthday party. Hopefully with a full stock of gift money in wallet. :p)
majutsukai: (Default)
Wow. My life genuinely sucks.
Not only is the homework still piling itself onto me, slowly becoming sentient and planning to crush me once and for all, but the terms of the deal have once again been changed. I now have to complete a note EVERY WEEK. And he expects me to wait till the last possible moment (so he can get up-to-date info, I guess), when I have no time to take care of anything that pops up at the last second. Which is precisely what happened this time. A bunch of things in Programming class took me by surprise; it's looking like this one might be the "problem class" of the bunch. Fortunately, he's letting me save the notes for weeks at my Mom's until monday, if I don't have them finished. But that's the extent of it. My stance is, he needs to be LESS involved in my school life, and let me sink or swim of my own accord. But, nooooo. He just tightens his vice-grip on my everyday life. I have more important things to worry about than making sure I have zero missing assignments (A mark very few achieve) every hour of every fucking day, dammit! I feel like a fucking elementary schooler. >_<
In other news, it was my Dad's birthday yesterday. And of course, I felt obligated to get him a gift. Damn this conscience of mine.

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