depressed would be an understatement
Oct. 20th, 2005 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
majutsukaiI am screwed. I am so totally, utterly beyond screwed.
I just went to Beyond High School, a yearly event where one can attend seminars and get information on colleges, scholarships, financial aid, and the like. And I have realized, more clearly than ever, that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
I've procrastinated on researching colleges and scholarships. I have no extracurricular activities, outstanding awards, or really any credentials besides my going-on-six-years perfect attendence record-- and we'll just see how much that matters in the world of academia. I have nothing that would make me even worth considering for a scholarship. I don't have a job, I don't have a drivers license, and I have no idea how I would balance a job, a car, and school with how badly things are going right now. Since I don't have a job, I have no idea how I'll pay for college. Not having a license is seriously starting to take its toll on my everyday life, like having no control over my schedule, falling asleep in class as a result, being forced to go to my dads and being trapped there, having to shamefacedly dodge the subject whenever someone asks me something related to "my car" or "my driving". I realize now that I've been wasting my life away playing video games, or hanging out on the computer like I'm doing now. My AP classes are starting to drown me academically. The SATs are approaching and I haven't studied at all. Not to mention a whole host of personal issues I'd rather not go into right here. All in all, I've gotten myself into a fine pickle, and I can't begin to imagine how I'll get out of it.
If there's any cause for celebration, it's that a) I finally think I know what college I'm going to-- Green River-- and B) I've finally decided on my major (Japanese), which is a HUGE step forward. Otherwise, my life is in shambles.
They haven't invented an emoticon that will accurately describe how I feel right now, and I doubt they ever will.
I just went to Beyond High School, a yearly event where one can attend seminars and get information on colleges, scholarships, financial aid, and the like. And I have realized, more clearly than ever, that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
I've procrastinated on researching colleges and scholarships. I have no extracurricular activities, outstanding awards, or really any credentials besides my going-on-six-years perfect attendence record-- and we'll just see how much that matters in the world of academia. I have nothing that would make me even worth considering for a scholarship. I don't have a job, I don't have a drivers license, and I have no idea how I would balance a job, a car, and school with how badly things are going right now. Since I don't have a job, I have no idea how I'll pay for college. Not having a license is seriously starting to take its toll on my everyday life, like having no control over my schedule, falling asleep in class as a result, being forced to go to my dads and being trapped there, having to shamefacedly dodge the subject whenever someone asks me something related to "my car" or "my driving". I realize now that I've been wasting my life away playing video games, or hanging out on the computer like I'm doing now. My AP classes are starting to drown me academically. The SATs are approaching and I haven't studied at all. Not to mention a whole host of personal issues I'd rather not go into right here. All in all, I've gotten myself into a fine pickle, and I can't begin to imagine how I'll get out of it.
If there's any cause for celebration, it's that a) I finally think I know what college I'm going to-- Green River-- and B) I've finally decided on my major (Japanese), which is a HUGE step forward. Otherwise, my life is in shambles.
They haven't invented an emoticon that will accurately describe how I feel right now, and I doubt they ever will.
