majutsukai

It's over.

I'm... alone again.

The MMN update, as promised. Only one strip this time.

So. College. I've got myself Anthropology 100, French 101, and Math 102. All of which are interesting, the last of which is giving me a bit of trouble, though. x_x

Why, you ask, am I in French rather than Japanese? Well, for one, there wasn't any level of Japanese higher than 101 available this quarter. If 103 is available next, I'll try to take it. Another is that I've decided to branch out and try to learn as many languages as I can, rather than limit myself to a single language. However, making the leap from Bilingual to Trilingual is a bit rocky... I have a whole spiel on how that works planned and ready, but I won't bore you with it. XD

And for another thing, College is... well... expensive. XD Not just tuition, either, but that's a pretty heavy it in itself. Two out of my three textbooks cost $123, and that was before tax. AND the food is more expensive, too; I've been settling for Cup Noodles every day to keep the load down financially. Then there's bus fare, but that problem has recently been solved with the purchase of a Bus Pass (plus 60% discount through Boeing, where my mom works. XP). So, yeah.

Not a whole lot more than that. Ayup.

I really don't know what to do right now.

I suppose bitching at livejournal is as good as anything.

So, in this quaint little movie in my head, I was going to go off to college at Green River this quarter. Take some classes, learn some stuff, meet some people, be an adult. Life is good. But, it turns out, the little movie in one's head frequently ends up not matching up with reality.

And of course-- I say this with a pronounced roll of the eyes, since anyone with a head on their shoulders could have predicted it-- it's all my fault.

You see, there's this little, minor thing that is absolutely essential to becoming a college student, or to going to college at all. That's a little thing called money.

I knew it would happen eventually-- my chronic procrastination habit has finally become my demise. I didn't prepare the means to pay for it in time. So now, I've applied for a quarter of college at Green River that I can't even freaking pay for. I MIGHT be able to apply for financial aid and have it in time for the winter quarter, but the fall quarter I had my heart set on is looking pretty hopeless.

It's just all so anticlimactic. I was really nervous and excited about it, but now I find out that it was all over before summer even started.

I swear, I'm just like a child sometimes. When responsibility rears its head, I hide away and pretend that it doesn't exist. Then it blows up in my face and I cry about it. Just like I am now. Sometimes I wonder if my dad was right all this time, that I'm really not ready to become an adult. I certainly don't feel it, especially NOW.

So, if I am indeed forced to wait for the winter quarter, what will happen? Simple. Everybody else will be their perfect, responsible little selves and go to college, learn, meet people, and be adults, while I-- having long since missed that boat-- rot at home like the deadweight I am, further testament to the already apparent fact that I have no earthly value within a single cell of my pathetic body. And then complain about it to livejournal. That's what I'm destined for.

So, have fun with your lives, everyone. Don't miss me too hard.

I am screwed. I am so totally, utterly beyond screwed.

I just went to Beyond High School, a yearly event where one can attend seminars and get information on colleges, scholarships, financial aid, and the like. And I have realized, more clearly than ever, that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I've procrastinated on researching colleges and scholarships. I have no extracurricular activities, outstanding awards, or really any credentials besides my going-on-six-years perfect attendence record-- and we'll just see how much that matters in the world of academia. I have nothing that would make me even worth considering for a scholarship. I don't have a job, I don't have a drivers license, and I have no idea how I would balance a job, a car, and school with how badly things are going right now. Since I don't have a job, I have no idea how I'll pay for college. Not having a license is seriously starting to take its toll on my everyday life, like having no control over my schedule, falling asleep in class as a result, being forced to go to my dads and being trapped there, having to shamefacedly dodge the subject whenever someone asks me something related to "my car" or "my driving". I realize now that I've been wasting my life away playing video games, or hanging out on the computer like I'm doing now. My AP classes are starting to drown me academically. The SATs are approaching and I haven't studied at all. Not to mention a whole host of personal issues I'd rather not go into right here. All in all, I've gotten myself into a fine pickle, and I can't begin to imagine how I'll get out of it.

If there's any cause for celebration, it's that a) I finally think I know what college I'm going to-- Green River-- and B) I've finally decided on my major (Japanese), which is a HUGE step forward. Otherwise, my life is in shambles.

They haven't invented an emoticon that will accurately describe how I feel right now, and I doubt they ever will.