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majutsukaiHoly fuck.
I'm now experiencing the last few hours of being seventeen years old. When the clock turns to midnight, I'll officially be an adult. My days as a kid will be officially... over. And do you know what? I'm not at all sure that I like it.
On the one hand, I'll be able to register to vote. That's a good thing. On the other, I'll have to register for the draft-- not a nice thing for a pacifist such as myself. I'll also be able to be arrested and tried as an adult; not that I plan on doing anything wrong, but it's not a terribly comforting thought at any rate. Think of it as the difference between somebody saying "Don't rob this bank," and someone saying "Don't rob this bank or I'll shoot you with this gun I'm pointing in your face." The fact that you're a good, law-abiding citizen provides little comfort. Then, there's the responsibility of being an adult; plus the thought of my comfy little high school life coming to an end in a few months. Frankly, it kinda scares me. Dammit, why can't I be excited about it like a normal human being?
I'd like to say this will mean that my dad will get off my back about stuff, but it will probably only mean an increase in the things he expects from me. I doubt he'll think of me as an adult anyway.
So what is it about the incidence of one day that makes one an adult? The obvious answer is, of course, nothing; I'm as much an adult now as I'll be when I wake up in the morning. So, should it scare me? I mean, it's not like an actual change; it's just the government looking in my direction and suddenly noticing that I'm not a kid anymore.
Now that I'm at the very verge, everything looks different. The big things look bigger, the small things look smaller. Why, for instance, am I worrying about when the next Final Fantasy or Rockman game comes out when I should be worrying about applying to college? Why am I idly reading webcomics when I've got a senior project festering in my backpack? Why am I updating my livejournal when I should be finishing my work for AP Gov? A whole bunch of whys, and not a whole lot of becauses. Will I still, as a legal adult, procrastinate and end up staying up late into the night so I'm falling asleep the next day? Will I still skirt my Sound and Sense work even though it's brought my grade down to a D? Will I keep hiding from my dad like some pigeon-hearted turtle? I don't know. I just don't know.
All I know is, I've got two lives ahead of me-- one about to end, and one just barely beginning. And I'm sure as hell not getting any younger.
I'm now experiencing the last few hours of being seventeen years old. When the clock turns to midnight, I'll officially be an adult. My days as a kid will be officially... over. And do you know what? I'm not at all sure that I like it.
On the one hand, I'll be able to register to vote. That's a good thing. On the other, I'll have to register for the draft-- not a nice thing for a pacifist such as myself. I'll also be able to be arrested and tried as an adult; not that I plan on doing anything wrong, but it's not a terribly comforting thought at any rate. Think of it as the difference between somebody saying "Don't rob this bank," and someone saying "Don't rob this bank or I'll shoot you with this gun I'm pointing in your face." The fact that you're a good, law-abiding citizen provides little comfort. Then, there's the responsibility of being an adult; plus the thought of my comfy little high school life coming to an end in a few months. Frankly, it kinda scares me. Dammit, why can't I be excited about it like a normal human being?
I'd like to say this will mean that my dad will get off my back about stuff, but it will probably only mean an increase in the things he expects from me. I doubt he'll think of me as an adult anyway.
So what is it about the incidence of one day that makes one an adult? The obvious answer is, of course, nothing; I'm as much an adult now as I'll be when I wake up in the morning. So, should it scare me? I mean, it's not like an actual change; it's just the government looking in my direction and suddenly noticing that I'm not a kid anymore.
Now that I'm at the very verge, everything looks different. The big things look bigger, the small things look smaller. Why, for instance, am I worrying about when the next Final Fantasy or Rockman game comes out when I should be worrying about applying to college? Why am I idly reading webcomics when I've got a senior project festering in my backpack? Why am I updating my livejournal when I should be finishing my work for AP Gov? A whole bunch of whys, and not a whole lot of becauses. Will I still, as a legal adult, procrastinate and end up staying up late into the night so I'm falling asleep the next day? Will I still skirt my Sound and Sense work even though it's brought my grade down to a D? Will I keep hiding from my dad like some pigeon-hearted turtle? I don't know. I just don't know.
All I know is, I've got two lives ahead of me-- one about to end, and one just barely beginning. And I'm sure as hell not getting any younger.
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Date: 2006-03-22 07:20 am (UTC).. its odd. :\
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Date: 2006-03-22 07:26 am (UTC)...*waits*...
...Dammit. I don't feel different. ToT
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Date: 2006-03-22 07:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-22 07:30 am (UTC)Do you honestly think that you are the only one who feels that way? That everyone besides you is excited about graduation and no longer being in high school? You aren't. Most people show excitment outwardly but are scared inside. I know that is how I was, along with many of my friends from my graduating class.
Things will be different, I won't lie and say they won't, but fear will not solve this issues that lie ahead.
-hugs again- I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-22 07:46 am (UTC)I've actually given this a good deal of thought, when I turned 16. Not quite the same, but you know. I've determined that my usual philosophy is best. It can't be stopped, it can't be helped. Time is irreversible, unstoppable, and the only thing to do is just go with it. Something's going to happen, just let it. Try to make the best of it, sure, but don't fight it. Is it better to have an unpleasant change, or to remain and stagnate?
Yeah. Happy 18, Matt.
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Date: 2006-03-23 01:10 pm (UTC)Happy 18th birthday. Gee, I never considered half the things you just wrote. XP I think it was because I was too busy trying to adjust to college. XD
Eighteen makes you look back on your life and unconsciously change things. You will go places, come back, and people will look at you funny, wondering where you've been, but hesitating to ask because you are an adult now. XP That made no sense.... o_O
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Date: 2006-03-24 01:31 am (UTC)