majutsukai

Oh dear lord.

So I come home to find out that my mother has adopted a new dog.

So we now have two dogs.

And my god do I hate the new one.

I know I complained about Duncan quite a bit, but the new dog-- Ollie-- puts Duncan in perspective. Harshly. It took this yapping little fiend for me to realize just how well-behaved Duncan is for a dog.

He starts barking his head off and won't stop for anything whenever I so much as think about entering the room. It takes every ounce of self-control I possess not to kick the little shit when he starts going at it, because he just will not stop.

He shits all over the deck and the patio because he doesn't like wet grass so now I have to brave that demon lawn of ours and mow just so this new thing can shit where he's supposed to.

He's also an attention whore of the first degree and can't stand it when Duncan gets attention instead of him. And Duncan is not nearly aggressive enough to take anything, including attention, back that Ollie takes from him. And the little prat is as selfish as they come.

God dammit. I just came back from dealing with an annoying roommate and a bunch of annoying suitemates. Now I come home and have to deal with an annoying permanent resident.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.

Leaving for Bellingham today. Classes start Tuesday.

I would be a whole lot less stressed out about this, though, if my student loans didn't have to be such a federal fucking issue!

The money from my loan for this quarter was supposed to have been credited to my student account on Thursday. It wasn't.

I waited another few days to see if they sent it in late. They didn't.

So now I'm stuck with a $4893.60 outstanding balance on my student account, and the loan I was supposed to use to pay it is MIA.

Weekend won't work for calling the school, so I'm going to have to call them on Monday. Which is one day before the payments are due.

I am so stressed out about this you wouldn't believe. If something goes wrong? If for any reason I can't get that money credited to my account before Tuesday? We'll have to foot the bill out of pocket. Else I could get evicted from student housing.

I am so sick of these games. There is always an issue. ALWAYS. I have not had a snag-free moment since applying for this damn school.

I should be getting sleep right now. There's no way that's happening.

I try, you know? I try damn hard.

In a world where everyone seems to hate everyone else, I try to be the one that sees the good in people. I try to be the optimistic one-- to not let a dram of evil spoil all the noble substance, as it were.

So why does it seem like people are trying so damn hard to disprove that outlook? Everywhere I look, there seems to be a counterexample. Is there no room in this world for optimists?

Assuming the best of people always seems to get you screwed over, too. So I'm naive, then? Is the line between optimism and naivete so fine as to be nonexistent?

...

A lot of what's bothering me is people's attitudes towards other people. Sometimes it seems... that ideas are more important than people.

What do you mean by that, Matt?

Well...

(I'm only using this overly specific pseudo-hypothetical situation because I failed at racking my brain for a purely hypothetical situation to explain what I meant.)

Say there's a thread in a forum about a controversial topic. Well... not even controversial; this "debate" is pretty one-sided, with the majority of people having severe objections to one particular side, with varying levels of rationality.

The OP of the thread, however, is picking up the unpopular side and defending it. He does this pretty competently-- but takes a lot of flak for being on the "bad side", whether or not he actually "agrees" with it, as such.

Say that I then decide to post in this thread. I say that I don't really agree with the unpopular side, but admit that my reasons for doing so may be irrational, and for that reason I'd rather not debate for or against it, given that I'm uninformed on this topic and find it uncomfortable to discuss anyways. Additionally, I state my reservations against the prospect of depicting the other side in a strongly negative light, given that I myself have had opinions that have been treated this way. And finally, I commend the OP on his courage for taking up such an unpopular side and defending it, in spite of all the abuse he's getting.

Cue the crapstorm. I'm accused of pandering to this side, of being "hyper-PC", and basically am looked at as a wet noodle. And, of course, you can tell by the language that the response uses that I am now officially lumped in with the unpopular side.

A lot of people's reputations in the forum in question are tainted due to the fact that they dared to defend the "bad side".

So... yeah. Ideas become more important than people. My efforts to support a person got interpreted as support for an idea, as if the two had become synonymous.

Of course... ideas are important. I won't pretend they aren't. But where's the line? When do they become so important that people stop mattering? And how many people am I going to alienate by thinking that they really don't?

And that's the kicker, really. If you try not to alienate people, you get alienated.

And this isn't even all I'm complaining about. Just a small bit of it. There are countless other ways that optimism seems to become a flaw, a maladaptation.

So, is that it? Am I in fairyland for still wanting to be that kind of person? Am I naive?

Fuck me sideways. I'm too optimistic to believe it.

Rainbow Pudding is a dastardly invention that should never have seen the light of day.

So, StumbleUpon has produced another rant-worthy gem for me today.

"Why do you bother being bothered by these things, Matt?" I hear you wondering. "Why not just let stupid people be stupid?"

"Well, frankly," I say in response, "because I am bothered by stupidity. And I reserve the right to be bothered by it. We wouldn't have science if nobody had been bothered by stupidity."

( It's not as bad as the last one! Seriously! )